T



U

Ugly: adj.:

  1. showing the esthetic qualities of her children or my in-laws;
  2. what no baby is, to a politician, in public.

Ulster: proper name:
the state in Great Britain which most eloquently epitomizes the Christian principles of brotherly love and tolerance.

Ultraconservative: adj.:
descriptive of a moderate Iranian, or a member of the Reagan cabinet.

Ultranationalism: n.:
the Republican Revolution.

Unaccountable: adj.:
beyond my ability to explain easily; as, why does the average bathroom have more favorable acoustics than the great concert halls?

Unavailable for comment: adj. phrase:
unwilling to talk to us.

Uncivil: adj.:
behaving after the fashion of a civil servant.

Uncle: n.:

  1. a cry of children, given in despair to denote acceptance of defeat.
  2. the nickname of the government.

Unconscious: adj.:
showing the level of awareness of one's surroundings that Congressmen show of their constituents' needs.

Uncountable: adj.:
greater than the number of tokens available in the society; a class of numbers developed in response to the need to reimburse such authors as Dickens, Hugo, Fielding, Dostoevski on a by-the-word basis.

Under the influence: phrase:
over the limit.

Under the knife: adv phrase:
recreational locale for Lotte Lenya.

Underground economy: n.:
the one that takes place out of the sight of the IRS and (most of) the banks;
so named for where you end up if you miss your payments.

Underrated: adj.:
in the market for a new PR agent. Most frequently used of athletes.

Understanding: n.:
the condition of having learned a bit of something well enough to be able to parrot it at appropriate times.
The father of Conflict.

Undervalued: adj.:
cheap.

Unforgiveable sin: n.:
any offense against me or violation of my closely held tenets.

Uniform: adj.:
not exhibiting variation.

Uniform: n.:
not allowing variation.

Union: n.:
a self-marketing organization for wage slaves.

Unique: adj.:
having some property or characteristic which is distinguishable from the run of the mill.

United Nations: n.:
an ongoing demonstration that the human race is not ready for self government.
Fortunately for the human race, we have lawyers, politicians, warlords and theocrats.

Universal: adj.:
applicable to me, and a couple of others.

Unjust: adj.:
not on my social agenda.

Unlawful: n.:
in the fashion of most drug, espionage or terrorist investigations.

Unspoiled: adj.:

  1. [of people]
    1. not yet aligned with my opponents;
    2. not yet exposed to the attractions of my opponents.
  2. [of Nature] not yet exposed to me.

Unsung hero: n.:
obsolete term for a good guy who didn't toot his own horn.
Given the modern trends in heroes — Calley, North, etc. — any unhung hero is now noteworthy.

Unusual: adj.:
outside my daily experience; not what I expected.

Unwieldy: adj.:
large enough to make the managers work a little.

Up: adv.:
what down looks like, when you've been there long enough.

Upper: n.:
how the Depression generation face the morning.
Self-discipline in a brown bottle for the would-be dieter.

Upwind: adj.:
the side to stand when taking in a campaign speech.

Urban development: n.:
what we have now that Mrs. O'Leary and her cow have been banished to agricultural zones.

Urologist: n.:
doctor who makes a business of looking up your business.

User-friendliness: n.:
the Holy Grail of computer products designers — oft sought, never found.
The desire for user-friendliness so permeates the field that they frequently miscall a bus a buss, which is a very much friendlier device.

Utility: n.:
a business enterprise that has been granted a monopoly over something particularly useful.

Utopia: proper name:


V