R & B: acronym:
classical music: Rococo and Baroque.

Rabid: adj.:
[of animals] showing similar behaviour and characters as a big-city major-league sports fan.

Race: n.:
an attribute that allows us to judge another's worth by a simple inspection of the color of his skin, the shape of his eyes or his face, the clothing he wears. A great time saver, it saves us the necessity of finding out anything about his character, talents or achievements.
Americans base race on skin color: pink, tan, black, yellow and red. Members of other industrial cultures typically have three: my group, those of my skin color, everyone else; some of the non-European cultures will add white, making four. Pre-industrial societies typically have two: us, and everyone else; some will make special provision for the types of the anthropologists they have the most experience with.

Racist: adj.:
white.

Racist: n.:
one who has the misbegotten belief that his race is superior to mine — or the one I'm representing.

Racy: adj.:
bland.
Racy used to mean risque, suggestive or sexy. Anything called racy in its day would be considered dull today.

Radical: n., adj.:
from the latin for "root."
Roots are characteristically contaminated with dirt and fertilizer and require extensive cleaning before becoming useful inside the home.

Radio: n.:
a territory liberated from the liberals for the conservatives by the Nixon administration.

Radioactive waste: n.:
any industrial by-product capable of producing as much radiation exposure as a block of granite or a ski trip.

Raiment: n.:
clothing chosen to advertise our assets and conceal our liabilities of physique.
Fortunately, lest we be guilty of false advertising, our taste is usually such as to reverse the effect.

Rain: n.:
the sprinklings from Mother Nature's acid bottle.

Rainbow: n.:
the dreamer's bridge to the other side, where the grass is greener.

Rainbow Coalition: n.:
apparatus used in one man's search for the pot of gold at the end of Pennsylvania Avenue.

Raise the level of awareness: phrase:
lower the level of tolerance and debar the application of common sense.

Rake: n.:
short for rakehell: legislator or televangelist.

Rally: n.:
a gathering for the purpose of listening to "leaders" preach to the converted in such strident tones that the uncommitted can not possibly comprehend the message.

Ralph: proper name:
the adolescent God of Porcelain, to whom obeisance is regularly made by partiers, bingers and bulimics.

Rampant: adj.:
extravagant, threatening, and all over the place. The term is used in a favoring sense only in heraldry, where it describes the favorite posture of lions, etc.

Rancid: adj.:
having an odor reminiscent of a political promise.

Rancor: n.:
warm blood.
When it is said of one that he acted without rancor, it means he acted without anger and without pity.

Random: n.:
chosen by a system too complex for me to figure out.

Rap: v.t.:
badmouth.

Rap: v.i.:
foulmouth.

Rapacity: n.:
qualifying trait for a seat on the Exchange.

Rape: n.:
the wolf of violence wearing the sheep's clothing of passion.

Rapist: n.:
a would-be music student — one who is looking for someone to teach him to sing soprano in a Heavenly choir.

Rapture: n.:
a mystical event where the body of the true believer is magically transported away from this earth, following the path their wits took long before.

Rat: n.:
a rodent renowned for its similarities to politicians and other career criminals. A rat will eat anything it can reach, foul anything it doesn't eat and gnaw through anything to get to food or escape a trap. Unlike lawyers and politicians, rats can be rewarding pets for those without great wealth and connections; some owners of rats even become emotionally attached to them.

Re-elect: v.t.:
make the same mistake twice.

Reactionary: n., adj.:
having the rational content of a knee-jerk or a sneeze.

Real: adj.:
the way I see it.

Real change: n.:
business as usual, dressed with new rhetoric.

Real estate: n.:
one of the first three, as contrasted with the unreal Fourth (the press) and Fifth (the Arts.)

Real property: n.:
land; as contrasted with unreal property: stocks.

Real world: n.:
those aspects of daily life that support my position.
Contrast with ivory tower, inside the beltway, on Wall Street.

Reality: n.:
my perception.

Reason: n.:
rationalization; excuse.

Reasonable: adj.:
conforming to my wishes.

Rebate: n.:
consumer kickback.

Rebuff: v.t.:
greet with the same gentile courtesy that a Congressman shows to any supplicant without a PAC.

Rebuttal: n.:
the "did too" phase of the lawyers' "did not; did too" game.

Recant: v.i.:
admit that I was right all along.

Recess: n.:
that block of time scheduled during court proceedings for the attorneys to go out and cavort for the cameras.

Recollection: n.:
ability to invent. "To the best of my recollection, Senator . . . ."

Record: n.:
chronicle of misdeeds; as a criminal record, or the record of an officeholder. Some would be tempted to add hit record of a rock-and-roll group to this list.

Recruiter: n.:
Commercialese for pimp.

Red: adj.:

1. the color people turn on being overstimulated, overheated or embarassed.
   
2. the color traditionally associated with the Left; the color of fire, blood, anger and danger.

Red tape: n.:
the primary product of Government.

Reductio ad absurdum: phrase:

1. a scientific term referring to the logical construction of legal arguments.
   
2. weight loss infomercial.

Referee: n.:
a beneficiary of Hire the Handicapped programs, whose deficiencies in visual and mental acuity are demonstrated each time he rules for the opposition or fails to rule for our side.

Reflect: v.t.:
lie about. As, a mirror reflects your image; literature reflects the culture and morality of its time.

Reform: n.:
an activity highly desirable in others, but unnecessary in ourselves.

Reform: v.t.:
eviscerate; as in "we will reform welfare;" "I will reform the city;" etc.

Reformation: n.:
one man's act of faith, taken over by many as their expression of rebellion.

Reformer: n.:

1. one whose axe is (claimed to be) less bloody than that of the sitting ruler.
   
2. Revolutionist without an army. Except in the special case of agrarian reformers, who always seem to have armies.

Regressive tax: n.:
one that funds services preferentially from the people who use them most.

Regulatory reform: n.:
open season on anyone not able to afford their own PAC.

Reinventing Government: phrase:
business as usual, but with new titles on the office doors.
Distinguishable from revolution primarily in that in the latter sitting government officials are somewhat more at risk of their lives or their jobs than are the general populace.

Relief: n.:
negative reinforcement.

Relativity: n.:
the scientific principle that pops immediately to mind on entering a legislator's office.

Religion: n.:
a business designed to separate the gullible from their wealth and their autonomy, to the benefit of the leaders of the religion. It operates at the level of faith and rationalization, rather than reason and rationality, tending to the emotional over the intellectual needs of its practitioners. Fortunately, many of the practitioners seem to have no intellectual needs.

Remake: n.:
[movies]

1. an attempt to revive an old script by adding names the modern public knows.
   
2. an attempt to jumpstart the career of an actor by associating their name with a star of the past.
   
3. an illustration of the principle that producers, like generals, are always prepared to fight the last war.

Remarkable: adj.:
slightly different from the absolutely ordinary in a way that interests me.

Reminisce: v.i.:
daydream about the good times you wish you'd had when you were younger.

Remora: n.:
a fish that bears the same relationship to a shark as government to industry.
The chief difference is in the relative sizes: the remora is considerably smaller than the shark.

Remorse: n.:
the emotion elicited by mornings after.

Render: v.t.:
is it any wonder that we render taxes to feed the government and render pork carcasses to produce lard, while an actor renders the role of Hamlet, and it's all the same word?

Renege: v.i.:
treat an obligation in the same manner as a politician treats campaign promises.

Rent-a-Cop: clause:
a futile pastime: why rent them, when you can go to <major city> and buy them wholesale?

Repartee: n.:
French for "I shoulda said . . . ."

Repent: v.i.:
taste the bitter gall of getting caught.

Repentance: n.:
the goal of punishment. Fortunately, the law accepts the word in lieu of the deed.

Repetition: n.:

1. the active ingredient in most political and many advertising campaigns, based on the principle that if you tell the public something often enough, they will start to believe it regardless of truth.
2. the least intellectual form of humor, after the pratfall.

Reportage: n.:
the fine art of short story composition.
Typically, in the electronic media, continuous coverage is substituted for reportage.

Repression: n.:
a method for amplifying the social and emotional pressures of everyday life until they become explosive.
Sexual repression in America shows in that nearly all our expletives are sexual, in contrast to most of the rest of the world, where scatology dominates. The other contributor to the pattern is the massive public works in water supply and sewage disposal — excrement is no longer associated with illness in the public mind.

Reproductive rights: n.:
the dextrals of paired gonads.
Once upon a time, this term had a broader meaning, but then we experienced a Contract with America.

Republican: n.:
member of a political party symbolized by the elephant — an animal which is huge, gray, and equipped with a nose that it uses to poke into everything around it.

Republican revolution: n.:
the process of combining the Liberal ideal of responsive government, the Centrist ideal of responsible government, and the Conservative ideal of less government to create the modern synthesis: less responsive, less responsible Government.

Reputation: n.:
like an image in the mirror, everyone has one and it's not the one we'd really prefer.

Respect: n.:
a precious commodity that can be obtained only by its expenditure.

Responsibility: n.:
a character trait that other people need to show.

Responsible: adj.:
[legal] not my client.

Restore: v.t.:
clean up, modifying to reflect topical tastes in the process.

Retail: n.:
the trade that teaches us why it's no coincidence that the first part of customer is cuss.

Retire: v.i.:
grow a second spare around the middle.

Retirement: n.:
the goal at the end of the long path of toil, which many reach only to discover they can't tolerate the people they've become getting there.

Retrospectroscope: n.:
a device for improving hindsight to 20-20; optics for the Monday morning quarterback (Tuesday morning if he's an ABC fan.)

Revenge: n.:
"justice."

Revenue neutral: adj.:
a plan that takes in approximately as much extra money as the bureaucracy it creates spends.

Reverend: adj.:
honorific extended to those in the clergy.
It may be noted that, while many with the title Reverend aspire to the description Right Reverend, none have been known to aspire to be known as Left Reverend.

Review: v.t.:
apply hindsight to, usually with intent to revise.

Revisionist: n.:
an historian, complement of the cynic, who cheerfully (or maliciously, depending on the individual) retells history as he would like for it to have been, rather than the way it was seen to be by the people there at the time.
Hot topics for revisionism have included Hitler's "Final Solution to the Jewish Problem," black Africans' contributions to Western civilisation, the use of the fission bomb in Japan, the actions of the Reagan administration, etc.

Revolting: adj.:
in the fashion of developments, especially housing developments (all made out of ticky-tacky . . . .)

Revolution: n.:

1. [physics] progression centered about an external axis.
   
2. [politics] violent progression from one ruler to the next, generally centered about an external focus of influence.

Rhetoric: n.:
skill in the use of language such that the glamor of the presentation disguises its lack of informative content.

Rhetorical question: n.:
a formal interrogative to which a reply is neither expected nor desired. For example: "Hello; How are you?" "What kind of fool am I?" "Do we really have the best legislature money can buy?"

Rhinoceros: n.:
the only animal whose nose hair is more obtrusive than Al Bundy's.

Rhythm: n.:

1. the universal language in music.
   
2. a contraceptive method by which Catholics ensure increase in their ranks.
   There is a technical term for couples who practice the rhythm method: they're called parents.

Rich: n.:

1. able to afford personal servants, public servants, and other luxuries;
   
2. bad for the health: rich foods clog your arteries and upset your digestion; rich employers deflate your compensation; rich lawyers, politicians and industrialists drain your bank account.

Ridiculous: adj.:
having all the respectability and credibility of my opponent's position.

Rigged election: n.:
one where my favored candidate, party or issue did not prevail.

Right: n.:

1. the cause I support — the farther right, the more vocal the support.
   
2. privilege that has gained an endorsement by either a legislature or a court.
   
3. a liberty that was granted once upon a time.
   Americans seem to have the fixation that if they can get away with something once, when times are good, they are entitled to it as a right forever.

Right-thinking: adj:
having the belief that you are in the right.
Usually, you're merely on the right.

Right of privacy: n.:
a privilege reserved for members of the government and those who own them.

Right to Life: n.:
a movement that advocates capital punishment for doctors who perform abortions and women who get them.

Righteous: n.:
self-righteous.

Rights: n.:
privileges or protections that are left after the rich and powerful preempt the ones they want.

Rights of the poor: n.:
a modern concept which dates to one generation after the introduction of the Raggedy Ann doll.

Rightsize: n.:
fire enough workers to reduce the size of the organization until it's small enough for its managers to handle.

Rigor: n.:
the mathematician's goal of exactitude and completeness. In recognition of the flexibility and creativity this approach engenders, it is named for a biological phenomenon: rigor mortis.

Ringleader: n.:
titular head of an organization; chosen by the real leaders to be the one subject to arrest and detention.

Ripe: adj.:
fully mature, sweet, juicy and ready to reap.

"When a cherry turns red, it's ready for plucking
when a girl turns sixteen, she's ready for . . .
high school."

Rite: n.:
a traditional ceremony made pompous and sententious to disguise the fact that its meaning has been lost in modern times.

Ritual: n.:
a stylized set of actions undertaken to disengage the mind.

Roach Motel: n.:
hostelry frequented by attorneys or televangelists. They don't check out because they usually checked in under an assumed name.

Robot: n.:
a mechanical worker highly prized for its inability to form unions or walk off the job when treated the way workers are traditionally treated.

Rock and Roll: n.:
the major motions of an earthquake.

Role model: n.:
someone who poses with pastry (especially cheesecake).

Roll: v.t.:
rob, especially when defenseless; hence the reference to professional athletes as "roll models."

A roll in the hay: phrase:
something better than breakfast in the barn.

Roller coaster: n.:
amusement park attraction inspired by the Dow-Jones average.

Romantic: adj.:
picturesque, fanciful and fictional, as romantic love.

Ronald Reagan: n.:
lead actor in B-movies; promoted to lead player in a B-administration.

Root cause analysis: n.:
the root-canalysis of business problem solving.

Route 66: proper name:
in modern mythology, the vas deferens of the nation.

Routine: adj.:
extraordinarily ordinary.

Royalty: n.:
the ideal model for modern governments; the power and perquisites, that is, not the responsiblilities and obligations.

Rule of Law: n.:
one of those high-sounding phrases that means different things in different places: in the USA, it means rule by lawyers; in most of the rest of the world, it means rule by police.

Rum: n.:
the Demon Who Leads Men Astray; source of the family fortunes of half of New England. The finest of the Dionysian diaphoretics.

Run: v.i.:
posture; as to run for public office.

Run the show: phrase:
finish third.

Rush: v.i.:
perform with inadequate time for preparation or proper execution; proceed at an intemperate rate.

Rush: n.:

1. an abrupt, addictive, euphoria associated with dosage of certain illicit drugs.
2. a kind of overweight grass that arises from, but remains rooted in, the muck in swamps; occasionally useful a hundred years ago, now used primarily as decoration.
   In its native environment, it is associated with toxic gases and foul smells.

Russell: v.i.:
make unintelligible noises, usually in the bushes, behind the woodwork, or on PBS.

Rut: n.:
the path down which we pursue our daily lives.

Rut: v.i.:
behave like an adolescent.